New jokes!

What do mallards use to fix everything?

Duck tape!

Since no one got my puzzle, I will say it. Homer Simpson! Gosh!

There once was a snail who comes up to a car dealership and says, "Hey pal, I want a red convertible with a big yellow S painted on the side!"
The car dealer, shocked says, "why on earth would you want that?"
The snail replies, "Oh, well, when everyone sees me drive by, I want them to say, Wow! Look at that S car Go!"

Once a lady hears her doorbell ring. She answers it and there was a snail on her doorstep! She screams and kicks to the sidewalk. Five years later the doorbell rings again, and there was the snail, says, "what was THAT all about?"

Alright! I'll give you a hint. You can watch this person on the television almost every evening! That's a HUGE hint! You should really know it by now unless you don't watch this show. Happy hunting.......

Hi everyone! Making any progress on the word scramble? Perhaps not, because this is a particularly challenging word scramble. Ok, because of that, I will give you a hint. You all should know him. Good luck! Oh yeah, and if you can't solve it within a certain time, I'm gonna start a new activity besides joke telling. And maybe there will be a better prize. Happy hunting!

New activity! We now are going to do a word scramble! For those of you who have no clue what I'm talking about, a word scramble is when I take a word or more and mix it up. You have to unscramble it. So I am going to put out here the name of someone funny!

Okay! Here it is......

rheom psinsmo!

The first person gets their joke put on all of my blogs! (Two of which are unknown to you)!

Okay! I'm gonna start a joke and ask you guys to continue it, each on your own and make a punch line. Each joke should be unique and funny. Just follow these guidelines and soon you'll have your own homemade joke!

Principal: Audrey, is it true you called your teacher a meanie?
Audrey: Yes
Principal: Is it true you called her a slimy little ape?
Audrey: Yes
Principal: Is it true you called her a tomato nosed old beanbag?
Audrey: No, but I'll remember that for next time!

Welcome to the joke HQ! Here, you can tell jokes! All over the world there are different jokes. I would like to learn those jokes. Please, feel free to tell all of the jokes you want as long as they're good ones! I, as well, will be telling some jokes!

In Scotland, rain had come and all of the cattle were happy and mooing. All was well until one day a gang of roughhousing moose came through. They ate all of the lush green grass, and if that wasn't bad enough, they started barfing everywhere. For the rest of the spring you could hear complaining from the people, "The hills are alive with the sound of moose sick!"

Teacher: James, do you hit?
James: No
Teacher: Do you shout at people?
James: No
Teacher: Do you call people names?
James: No
Teacher: Oh, Come on! You have to do something wrong!
James: I lie